im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Randomize
