Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
