Christians are straight up FREAKS
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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