If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
