6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize