make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
