I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
