if only i could text you this smell
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
