Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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