Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
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