While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
