Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
