I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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