so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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