the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
