it's too hot outside to masturbate.
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize