I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
