one two three fourrrrnication!
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
