my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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