Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
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