I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
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