I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
