Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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