At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
