Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
