Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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