please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
