Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
