There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Please don't give away my fajitas
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
