i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
