Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
