I wannas sexs uuuuu
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
