sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
