I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Life is so much better after having sex.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Randomize
