Already got asked if we're dating
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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