You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
