Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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