Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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