please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
