why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Sorry about my life...
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Randomize
