Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Randomize
