Porn is love you can see.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize
