do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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