We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
