There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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