she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize