this beer tastes like vomit already
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
