When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
