Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
