and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
