I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
