i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
