I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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