I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Randomize
