you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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