Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
