is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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