Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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