I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
