so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
