I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
