But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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