words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
