come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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