1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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