I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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