whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
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